The · dreams · that · fall · beneath · my · feet

I hate reading books where teenage girls go through stuff thats supposed to be oh so bad and terrible that you cant even comprehend.

But end up recognizing half the stories from my own life and my friends lives.
Its sick and twisted, and its driving me insane.

But all i want to do is read these books over and over.
Its like im fucking craving them, i rented a few books from the library about drug addictions and turning tricks and girls who dont eat or get beat or
anything like that.

I havent though about it for years.

I remember the first time i went to whiterock after the summer.

As soon as my dad drove uptown on the way to his house. I closed my eyes and couldnt breath for a second. Thats the only place i cant avoid everywhere else i give a wide berth.

I feel like telling someone EVERYTHING that happened.
but i wont, because i want to keep my memories to myself
there the only thing i own thats entirely mine
that no one can pick apart.

I was at nikkis today, well ive been there for the last few days. I just got this terrible headache i couldnt even see i was lying on her couch for about 3 hours before i could even walk home. I was completely sober had been for days so i cant blame it on drugs or alcohol.

Im fucking craving everything so bad
i need a lock on my room door
and about 4 cartons of smokes
so i can stop everything
no more drugs ever again

even though its never going to happen
its sad but im a slave for life.

did i mention im achy and lonely and tired.

Im going to get some vitamin c tablets
and some peppermint tea

and go read some more